


Delia, My Remedy.

by RedLady



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Emotional, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, POV Female Character, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-15 21:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10557662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedLady/pseuds/RedLady
Summary: Patsy is haunted by her past; she's knows the cure. All Patsy's POV.





	

I woke up covered in a blanket of sweat, not sure where I was, but I knew I had one of my nightmares. Once my eyes had adjusted, I looked over towards my clock. Straining my eyes, it read 2:30. Four hours since I'd gone to bed and I felt as though I had done a full day's shift with a huge weight on my back. My palms were clammy and my body was trembling. Turning my head to the right I saw Trixie, she was perfectly still and sound asleep.

Throwing back the twisted sheets, I sat on the edge of the bed resting my head into my hands. Taking a deep breath in and letting it slowly, I rose from my bed making my way towards the bathroom, trying hard not to trip or wake Trixie.

Taking small steps and waving my hand in front of me, I reached the bathroom and stumbled, grasping the edge of the bathroom door to stop me falling forwards. Pausing for a moment to listen to see if I had woke Trixie, I steadied myself. Upon hearing Trixie light breathing though the silence, I slowing closed the bathroom door behind me.

It was darker in here without the street lamp light shining through the curtains. Stumbling my way forwards, I stood, holding onto the sink with both hands, before reaching up to switch on the little lamp above the mirror. Looking at my reflection, I noticed dark rings circling my eyes. My face looked paler that usual in contrast with my bright red hair. Taking a moment to look over my dishevelled features, I turned the tap on, splashing my face with cold water. Taking a long breath, I looked back up to see myself again. I still looked drained but I looked myself.

I searched my mirror and investigated my reflection, bring my hands up to rub my cheeks then my neck, before flattening my hair down. I searched the mirror again, not knowing who I expected to see, but my dream had woke me from my sleep and was now invading my thoughts.

Letting out a long, loud sigh, I peered down towards the sink where I had just washed my hands and face, to see a sink full of bloodied water and the tap gushing with blood. Slamming my eyes shut, I opened them immediately after to see the sink was clear and the water was just water. Reaching out, I quickly turned the tap off and wrapped my arms around myself before closing my eyes again.

The world seemed to drift away, as thoughts of horror filled my mind. My history always haunted my thoughts and rattled me from my sleep, but this was different. Maybe I was losing my mind, experiencing illusions of this sort. I shook my head violently, if almost trying to shake my past out of my head. Yet the thoughts remained. The pain and hurt remained.

Opening my eyes carefully, I looked back at my reflection and studied my face hard. Come on Patsy, old dear; pull yourself together. Frowning for a moment, I felt as if my own features mocked me; I turned away and faced the door, refusing to look. Holding myself, arms wrapped tightly around my chest, I closed my eyes. Images of my past horrors were etched onto the back of my eyelids. They flickered from one haunted image to the next, like someone was sliding the images in front of my eyes for me to witness.

I felt something hot and wet sliding down my cheek. Reaching up, I brushed a stray tear away. I hadn't even noticed my body reacting, I hadn't realised the physical elements of my pain. Just the thoughts and dreams.

Shaking my head again, I realised that I couldn't do this on my own. I had always put others before myself and it was something I was good at. Yet I knew, I couldn't be strong, how the others thought I was. I couldn't be proud Patsy all the time.

I knew what I needed. I needed to feel safe and secure. I needed someone to hold me and tell me that I wasn't mad. I needed my Delia. She, the only one that truly understood my past and how I felt.

She would never judge or dismiss my thoughts, my feelings. I could always rely on her.

Standing up straight, pushing my shoulders back and wiping the tears from my face, I took one last look in the mirror and told myself that I wouldn't be broken. Turning off the light, I made my way towards Delia. Delia my haven. My remedy.

The End


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